Powerful classroom tools: active listening and emotional validation.

 Inside this post: the power of active listening and emotional validation of students' feelings.

Without question, it can be difficult for children to name their feelings, to express what they are feeling in words, and to understand the root of them.  Therefore, when I recently had a very upset student immediately name what he was feeling I knew we were on the road to success!

He was yelling, crying and throwing his body around.  But, I still knew we were on the right path.  I knew because he yelled between sobs, "I am sad mad!!!"

There it is.

A declaration of feelings.

He knows what he is feeling.  He is naming it.  He is calling out his feelings and telling me exactly what they are.

He took the guessing out.  He showed me how I can help him because he has the self-awareness that he is sad and he is mad - he is SAD MAD!

He shared it.  I validated it.  He shared again.  And I validated again.

"I'm sad mad!!!"

"Yes, I can see that! You are sad mad.  And those feelings go together sometimes.  I see that you are sad and I see that you are mad."

"Yeah.  I am sad mad."

"I know."

His tears slowed.  His breathing calmed and he looked into my eyes, and I saw that he felt heard.  

He knew that I KNEW  he was sad mad.  

"I hear that you are sad mad.  Thank you for using your words to tell me.  Now I know how I can help you."

His behaviors did not have to escalate further. He did not continue to scream and cry and pace around because someone heard him.  He was understood.  And he was validated.

I am hoping that you are seeing the power in this simple example of hearing our students.  

Active listening.

Emotional validation.

One definition shares that active listening "is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is an important first step to defuse the situation and seek solutions to problems." (source)

I like this definition because it highlights that active listening is crucial in defusing a situation and seeking a solution to the problem.

Active listening makes a great deal of sense as a first step. A student is not likely to be in the mindset to problem solve if the do not feel heard or understood.  After all, if you do not understand the problem how could you possibly help to solve it?

Emotional validation "is the process of learning about, understanding, and expressing acceptance of another person’s emotional experience." (source)

You active listen to hear the feelings and you validate to show that you are understanding and accepting what is being shared with you.  You do not necessarily have to agree with what is felt and/or how it is being expressed.  Instead, you are showing understanding to the why and the what- why they are feeling that way and what it is that they are feeling.

Harness these tools of active listening and emotional validation to meet your students where they are at - come along side them and acknowledge that they are heard -that you are listening to what they are sharing. Naming emotions can be so tough (for students AND adults) so when your students take the step to share - listen and support.

In the scenario above, I offered some choices of how to get from sad mad back to calm.  As we settled into some calming strategies we processed how he became sad mad. We were able to work through the feelings and move past them.

As educators, it is imperative that when our students start to name, voice, and share their feelings that we are actively listening and providing emotional validation.

This partnership establishes a healthy pathway for student/teacher communication as well as effective problem solving.

🍏 Stay Mindful,

Victoria

Join The Mindful Apple community for your weekly brain food : tips, strategies, and resources for your social emotional tool kit!

Sign up below to stay connected